


Sudden Arboreal Stop

by malapertqueen



Series: QPQVerse ficlets [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen, M/M, QPQVerse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 11:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6282634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malapertqueen/pseuds/malapertqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing's sacred in blogs and politics. Not even Alex Hamilton riding his bike into a tree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sudden Arboreal Stop

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rillrill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rillrill/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Quid Pro Quo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880157) by [rillrill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rillrill/pseuds/rillrill). 



> I wrote this in a hurry last night and posted it to tumblr. Everyone's writing bikefic! Thanks to rillrill for letting me play in the sandbox.

It’s four in the afternoon and Penelope Barker is supposed to be done with this shitty puff-piece about Abigail Adams and the sordid history of the White House vermeil collection that got dumped on her desk. _Quorum Call_ isn’t exactly a hard-hitting news blog; they’re better than the douche-bag hacks at PolitiFinder (where she somehow survived a mercifully brief internship), but Penelope’s editor has a hard-on for shitting on the Adams administration at every opportunity and today’s pathetic attempt is the six white girls with poster board in Axelrod Park, protesting over the deaths of artisans who have been dead for two hundred years.

Instead of vermeil, Penelope’s attention is on Instagram; more specifically a video that’s just been posted by one of the bike messengers she occasionally uses as a source for blind-gossip items. It’s slightly tilted, like he took it in a hurry, but that is definitely Senator George Washington’s policy director on the ground in front of a tree with the bent remains of what looks to have been his bike, cursing in a mix of Spanish and English as he tries to stand up and then falls right back down into the grass.

She can’t help it–she laughs until she's nearly crying, watching the video three times over before she pulls up the _Quorum Call_  twitter account and posts the link.

_QuorumCallDC [4:24pm]: BREAKING: Environmental Lobby Strikes Back? @TheAlexHamilton injured in bike crash with tree[https://www.instagram.com/p/BDEnD4oHjXb/](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fp%2FBDEnD4oHjXb%2F&t=NmZhYjhjY2NiZWQ0MGQ5OGQ4ZDEyYmZkZGUyNzZlZTcxMjVkNmUwYixXclRoUHExSg%3D%3D)_

Normally, some senator’s policy director getting into a bicycle accident wouldn’t be anything close to breaking news. But this is Alexander Hamilton, Senator Washington’s right-hand man and a frequent DC gossip item. Penelope’s heard all the rumors–that he’s Washington’s son, that he’s fucking Washington, that he’s fucking Lafayette _and_ Washington–and she’s pretty sure they’re all garbage; Hamilton’s the lean and hungry type and he’s been frequently seen with the Secretary of Defense’s middle daughter. Bagging a Schuyler sister would be a coup for him both personally and professionally. It’s gross, but people do a lot worse in the name of career advancement.

Penelope does have a momentary flash of guilt–she and Hamilton crossed paths at PolitiFinder and they had one disastrous date at a bar (entirely her fault) but he really isn't an awful human being. Unfortunately _Quorum Call_ isn’t above a little click-bait journalism and Hamilton mouthed off at a lobbyist on _Capitol Beat_ the other night so his name is extra hot right now. With any luck, they’ve got the exclusive scoop and Penelope’s editor will let the vermeil piece slide right into the trash where it belongs.

An hour later, every news blog that covers DC politics has picked up the story and the vermeil piece is in the hands of the most-desperate-for-a-byline intern where it should have been in the first place. Penelope’s celebrating with a well-earned glass of pinot noir at The Gibson and casually watching the unfolding coverage on twitter when her phone chimes, signalling the arrival of a text message.  

_From: HamSandwich [5:24pm] I’m fine, thanks for asking._

_From: HamSandwich [5:25pm] Guess I have to find a new place to leak stories_

_To: HamSandwich [5:26pm] Better me than Seabury_

_From: HamSandwich [5:28pm] Seabury can fuck a rusty chainsaw._

_To: HamSandwich [5:29pm] You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth?_

_From: HamSandwich [5:30pm] No comment_

Penelope rolls her eyes and tucks her phone away again, her gaze flicking up to the TV screen in the corner of the bar where MSNBC is playing a version of the video that someone has turned into a dubstep remix. The internet is having a field day with the original video, as well as someone’s stealthy twitter video of Washington and Eliza Schuyler ducking into a side entrance at GBU.

She almost, _almost_ feels sorry for the poor bastard.

Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> Penelope Barker was a real person--she's famous for hosting the Edenton Tea Party in Edenton, North Carolina, to protest unfair British taxes in 1774.


End file.
